what do u call a backstabbing grocer
girls all go to the bathroom together because that’s where we rap battle
I AM SO ANGRY AT THIS
this is such an important post
“GF IS PREGO”
"glassy, jarred look"
Oh I get it now
imagine a vampire going “fuck it” and just taking some antihistamines before going to town on a plate of garlic bread
later on it’s wheeled into the ER with like a puffed up face and it just goes “I have been on this earth 10 thousand years but i have not lived until this day”
a post where I explain with images how foxes are the best thing ever, and how if you disagree you are obviously wrong
hate when i lose something and my parents says “well i guess u didnt care about it enough” like you’ve lost me in a grocery store before
I live in a really bad neighborhood and my friend came over and we heard gun shots and she was like “ooh fireworks” and I just smiled and nodded.
I may have taught this spider to knit.
I was finishing the last 20 rows at the park, when this little spider wandered over to me, It climbed up my knitting bag, and walked all up and down the piece, then climbed onto my hand and watched me for a couple rows.
After the second row it started waving it’s front four legs as if to get my attention. Once I was looking at it, it started pulling silk from its spinneret, and fiddling with it. I don’t know if it was knitting or purling as it was quite small scale, but every few seconds it would stop and look up at me to see if I was still watching. After a little bit I moved it to one of the vines overhanging the archway I was sitting in, and it went about its business.
This wasn’t the only unusual thing that happened at the park today, but it was the most unusual.
Maybe it thought you were a spider
I’m gonna level with you that’s the fucking cutest shit I have ever fucking heard of okay I want a little spider that knits not sits menacingly above my bed at night threatening to fall into my mouth.
i’m frequently visited by three spirits at night
- the ghost of i fucked up
- the ghost of i’m currently fucking up
- and the ghost of i’m probably going to fuck up in the future
is this macbeth
double double toil and trouble firebird and yeah you fucked up big time
I need to stop imagining what I’d say in interviews if I was ever famous because I am not.